Be Right Back

Sammy, Rhiannon, Marcus, Maria, and myself were on one of our many trips to Disney World. Seeing Disney through Sammy's eyes-wow- what an experience. During this visit we were at EPCOT and went to our favorite restaurant in Morocco. We were all sitting enjoying the belly dancer with Sammy announced "Be Right Back". He got up from his seat at the table and walked down to the "stage" area. He bowed to the Belly Dancer and proceeded to start dancing with her. I can still chuckle thinking about it. I don't know what was more entertaining, Rhianon and my reaction or Sammy's sweet dance. At the end he took her hand and bowed to a round of applause!!

It doesn't get easier, we just get better at it. God is good.

Belly Laugh

Do you know the type of laugh that starts off as a hard belly laugh, gets airy in the middle and ends in a giggle? That's the laugh that Sammy would have when Vince played this "game" with him. They would play this game often and many places. We would be walking (most times Sammy would be in a wheel chair) and it could be around Chicago, or around the streets of Pontiac. It didn't make a difference. Vince would act like he didn't see a tree or a pole and run into it and the laugh would happen. As an adult, I really didn't think it was that funny but Sammy's laugh was so contagious! He would laugh like it was the first time it happened and he was surprised. And when he stopped laughing he would say......"Again Dad! Again!" Vince would continue to "run" into things and Sammy would laugh and laugh. It never got old for Sammy! I miss that laugh but am thankful that God has given me the memory of this laugh. I can close my eyes and listen and hear it. Sammy enjoyed life at every angle and every turn and every bump in the road! What a gift he had. I am so thankful he shared it with me.

It doesn't get any easier, we just get better at it. God is good.

Thanks Mia

A few days before Christmas last year I was wrapping presents. Sammy walked into my bedroom. (Don't ask me why my door was unlocked while I was wrapping Sammy's presents because I have no memory of that one!) A gift of Sleeping Beauty figures was on the bed waiting to be wrapped. Sammy grabbed it and said "Thank you mom!". I calmly told him that it wasn't for him but I was a gift for Maria. (Sammy's niece) After a few minutes Sammy went back to the kitchen, turned on the computer, dumped his markers, and watched a movie. On Christmas morning as Sammy opened the Sleeping Beauty figures he stopped and looked sad when he thought he opened one of Maria's gift, then when he realized it was truly for him he lifted the gift, said "Thank you Mia" and gave the box a kiss. I wish I could have savored each moment last Christmas, taken more pictures, hugged more, and kissed more. Sammy made each day more joyful, more blessed, more special.

It doesn't get easier, we just get better at it. God is good.

Madrigal memories

Vince and I went to see the Madrigals last night. Although the Madrigals were great, saddness surounded me through most of the night. This was the first time we had been to a Madrigal dinner without Sammy. Sammy loved to see his brother Donnie dressed up and singing at Madrigals. (I believe he was Donnie's number one fan, altough mom is a close second!)I remember how he would also love to see "Cheek"! He loved to say Mr. Cheek's name just because he COULD. One year the Madrigal singers made a "pack" to have Sammy answer one of the riddles. Sammy raised his hand and answered. Boy did he love the attention. All the girls came and gave him a kiss on the cheek and gave him a rose. His smile was priceless and he sat straighter in his chair the rest of the night. Last year even though Donnie was no longer in high school, cousin Taylor was there to take over. Sammy loved watching and listening to Taylor. He would have love the skit this year. Taylor was awesome! I can easily close my eyes and see Sammy hugging Donnie tight in the reception line and I can also see Taylor bending down to meet Sammy's "height" for a picture and hug.

It doesn't get easier. You just get better at it. God is good.

My Prince

This happened many times but the first time is always the best. I remember being in the kitchen and Sammy was at the counter watching something on the computer. I am sure it was the 10th time or better for the movie. Sammy could always sense my emotions and today I was bored with cleaning the kitchen. In a flash ,or as quick as Sammy could get off the stool, Sammy walked up to me, held out his hand, and in Sammy's way, asked me to dance. He then said "Lillup" and pointed to himself. He was my Prince Phillip! We dance and we sang "I danced with you once upon a dream". Sammy thought I had a good voice!!! LOL He did this often after that first dance. I miss dancing in the kitchen with my favorite 15 year old! Sammy got to meet his favorite Prince 2 times during his life here on earth. He also got a Prince Phillip doll from Santa last year.

It doesn't get easier. You just get better at it.

Angels Prayer

It's 2:o2 am and such a sweet memory comes to me. This week at CCD class we talked about angels. I asked my class how many prayed to their guardian angels and we went over the prayer in class. This must have prompted my memory.....Each night Sammy and his dad would pray together their "night" prayers. They would pray the Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory Be and the Guardian Angel prayer. Sammy would then end with God Bless, Mom, Dad, Jason, Rhiannon, Marcus, Mia(Maria), Papa(Grandpa), Papa (Sammy could not say Mama for grandma) and Aunt Barb! Sammy never forgot to pray for his Aunt Barb. He loved all his Aunts and Uncles but I think he knew that Aunt Barb needed his prayers more. For those of you who don't know my sister Barb, she has Multiple Sclerosis. I miss that wonderful prayful voice and the sweet times getting ready for bed. I miss the times he would snuggle up with his dad and me in bed. Sammy keep praying for us. We need you!

It doesn't get easier, we just get better at it. God is good.

It's 3 am and I just finished giving Ethan (my foster child) a bottle. As I lay here a cool breeze just tickled my arms. I listen, thinking maybe the furnace just kicked on. Nope, the furnace isn't on, so I take it as a sign from Sammy. Today at 7 am mass Father David talked a little about Sammy and how someone at Wolf Creek talked about Sammy and the impact he had on so many of us. Now as I lay here a sweet memory comes to mind about a time at Wolf Creek. We had just finished 18 holes of golf and Vince, Sammy and I, along with some friends were sitting in the club house having a drink and Sammy wanted something to eat. Sammy went up to the counter and asked Brian Sullivan for pizza. Brian told Sammy they didn't have pizza there and Sammy got upset and signed PIZZA. Brian told Sammy again that they didn't have pizza there and offered him other things like a hot dog or nachos. Again Sammy signed PIZZA and this time he put a little Italian into his signing! Feeling frustrated Sammy tugged on Brian's arm and pointed to the menu board and showed Brian where "pizza" was on the board. We were all a little surprised and very proud and although Sammy was sad he couldn't have pizza, Vince and I celebrated the fact that Sammy was using his reading skills in everyday life. Sammy had a wonderful teacher that came to our home to teach Sammy for 10 years. Thank you Sherry for not only teaching Sammy but for loving him!

It never gets easier, you just get better at it. God is good.

Vacation memory

This story is more about Donnie than Sammy, although Sammy was the driving force behind most of our lives. Most years, if all was healthy on the home front, we took our children to Disney World. Vince would fly, and in the early days I would pack the kids in the van along with my parents and we would drive to Florida a few days earlier. The vacation I am thinking of now was, I think 1997 or there abouts. I just remember we were on the beach and Sammy was having such a wonderful time with his family. The sun was out and life was good. I remember thinking this is perfect. Then, a couple of children noticed that Sammy was struggling a little while walking in the sand and his pull-up was showing. They started to make fun of Sammy. Donnie, who was about 8 I think, took Sammy by the hand and walked up to the boys. He looked them right in the eye and said. “I know that if you were born with a disability and Sammy saw you, he would never make fun of you. He would ask you to play with him instead.” Sammy touched so many lives in his short time on earth. I hope those boys were touched that day. I know for certain that Sammy help shape the lives of his sister and brothers and made my life as there parent much easier.
It doesn’t get easier, we just get better at it. God is good.

Halloween

Some days are harder than others and today seems to be one of those days. I think it is because I have plans to take my foster children along with my grandchildren to a pumpkin patch today. It is very hard to go places that I know Sammy would have loved to go. So today I wanted to share our last Halloween together with you. Last year Sammy wanted to be Jeff Wiggles. For his birthday I found a Jeff shirt on line and Sammy was so happy when he opened his present. He wore it to bed that night. He wanted to wear it every day but with a little coaxing he would take it off and let me wash it. So when Halloween came around there wasn't any question as to what Sammy would be. He picked out his black pants and tucked in his Jeff shirt and gladly sat still to have his hair sprayed black. He then wanted to pose to have his picture taken in his version of "The Big Red Car" . Sammy's was yellow but it worked!! For the past 7 years Sammy shared his trick or treating with his best friend Marcus and the past 3 years Maria joined us too. What wonderful times the 3 had, in and out of the car, giggling and sorting candy. Then every year when I pulled out Sammy's bag from the pantry sure enough there was last years candy! It was never the candy as much as ringing the doorbells and getting to see so many wonderful friends and family. Sammy's loved everyone but his favorites were Grandma Gernentz', Grandma and Grandpa Sartoris' and Aunt Diane and Uncle Jimmy's. Sammy always had a special place in his heart for his Uncle Jimmy!!

It doesn't get easier, you just get better at it. God is good.

Trip to Arkansas

Where do I start? Which memory do I begin with? I can close my eyes and remember such a beautiful smile and that rough voice singing. How Sammy loved to sing. He sang one time all the way to Arkansas. The song, I cannot remember, but the lovely sound of his music will be with me forever. My good friend Sybil and I, along with Sammy were on our way to her parent’s home for a few days. Because I listen to Sammy’s singing daily I was use to it. I was a little nervous that Sybil would find Sammy’s constant singing annoying but after the first 100 or so miles Sybil smiled at me and said “What a beautiful voice he has! I love it!” The music continued that weekend. Sammy, with almost no coaxing, agreed to perform for Sybil and her parents the entire Disney Studios production of Beauty and the Beast. It just so happened he had his DVD with him. As we put the DVD on the big screen TV, Sammy stood in front of the TV and recreated the entire show. He played the part of Beast, Gaston, the villagers, and even Bell! (Without looking at the TV I might add!!) Grandpa and Grandma D loved it and Sammy loved his audience! That weekend was pretty special. We did some sightseeing, met Grandma and Grandma D’s chickens, and one of Sammy’s favorite things, putt putt golf. I am so grateful for this time in Arkansas. It doesn’t get easier, you just get better at it. God is good.

Sammy's 16th Birthday

My Sammy will forever be 15 years old. On what would have been his 16th birthday (Oct. 11h) we started off the day attending a mass said in his memory. Later that morning we were joined by many family and friends at his grave to release 16 white balloons, one pink and one blue and 2 Disney balloons. On the pink and blue balloons we wrote the names of all the children we know that have also gone to be with our Lord. Marcus and Maria, Sammy's nephew and niece, released the Disney balloons. It was very emotional, not only on his birthday but the week leading up to his birthday. I still rarely make it through the day without a few tears, but as my newest favorite saying goes.... It never gets easier, you just get better at it. God is good.