Baby Steps!

Today I took my first baby steps toward the Wonderful World of Disney. Or course because it was baby steps I only went to the "Marketplace" at Downtown Disney. It took me a few minutes to control my stomach and tears. I stayed in my car and texted Rhiannon and Sybil, then became calm enough to make the walk over to the big Disney store. I walked in, then walked out and went to Mickey's Pantry instead. There I shopped for my remodeled kitchen. It was a strange feeling being there. Sadness instead of the joy I use to feel. It just wasn't the "Happiest place on earth" anymore. I really thought that maybe one day I could take my M and M's to WDW. Now.....I know I will not be doing that. I think I will continue my shopping on line and maybe pick a different place to take M and M here in south Florida. I like the memories I have of taking Sammy to WDW much better than any new memories we could make there.

It doesn't get any easier....we just get better at it. (sometimes) God is good!

I wish.........

Today like everyday is a day of wishing.....I wish Sammy could walk the beaches with me and find shells.....I wish Sammy could feel the 80 degree sunny day with me! I wish I could feel Sammy’s hug of thanks for every little thing I did..................I wish I could see Sammy’s face light up when his dad walks through the door............I wish Sammy could sit and have lunch with me........I would gladly go through McDonald’s drive up for a happy meal!..............I wish I could here Sammy’s off key rendition of You are my Sunshine!............I wish I could sit and watch for the 3rd or 4th time today, Happy Gilmore or What about Bob?.......................I wish I could here Sammy say I love you mom.....I wish we could go golfing together and hear Sammy say Nice Shot!......I wish I could watch Sammy serve mass.........I wish I could dance with my Prince Lillip!...........I wish I could watch Sammy recreate Disney Studio’s “Beauty and the Beast” over and over again...............I wish I could smell and kiss Sammy’s belly.............I wish I could do Christmas shopping for Sammy...............I wish..................

I know Sammy’s happiness in heaven is a depth of happiness, we can not come close to feeling here on earth but I am so selfish.......I wish I could bring him back!!

It doesn't get any easier. You just get better at it. God is good.

Sam and Sherry

Lately I have had Sammy’s school days with Sherry on my mind. Even though Sammy loved school with Sherry he did not love getting up in the mornings! Most mornings I would be “nudging” Sammy awake as Sherry was coming through the garage to the kitchen door! A very sleepy Sammy would be trying to hide his head in the pillow. After a few more tickles and pokes he would slowly make his way to the bathroom, where he would start his morning routine. He would look at his “Start your day strip”, brush his teeth, move that picture to the done spot and continue.....Teeth, check....go to the bathroom, check.......wash my face and hands, check.........say my prayers, check.......Get dressed, check......Go to school!!! By the time he got to the go to school picture he was usually pretty much awake. He would see Sherry and a big smile would appear and I can hear him say slowly......SHERRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!! They always greeted each other with a morning hug. Sherry taught Sammy all through grade school and she had a smile on her face every single day! I would like to think Sammy put that smile on her face but I think she is just that kind of teacher! She thought outside of the box and came up with some amazing ways to keep Sammy focused especially toward the end of the school day when Sammy was tired. Sammy loved Sherry and Sherry loved Sammy. What better combination is there for teaching and learning?!?! Every holiday I get to bring out Sammy’s works of art (along with my other children’s) and even though I have tears in my eyes, I am so thankful for Sherry and all her patients and love for Sammy. Two of my favorite things they made together are.....a picture frame Sammy painted with a picture of Sherry and Sammy at the zoo in it and a bracelet Sammy made with hearts and x’s and o’s that I wear everyday. I am so grateful for the 15 years, 284 days, 8 hours we had our sweet Sammy, but I want more......It doesn't get any easier, we just get better at it.

Happy Birthday Sammy!

October 11th, 1993 I will remember always as the day my sweet Sammy came to us and changed our lives for the better! (As all of my children did!) Sammy however changed our lives by "getting in our face" about life! Out of all my children, Sammy is the only one that "stayed" with just me for 9 whole months! He started teaching all of us patients and love from the very first moments! He taught us to accept change and to adjust! And boy, did we need to adjust! Vince became a "single" father to Rhiannon, Vinnie and Donnie while I "lived" many months at St. Francis. He gave us many amazing friends and relatives that stepped up and helped with our daily lives. Then the really teaching began.....Sammy taught us that joy can be found anywhere you want it to be. Sammy taught us that we can do anything we decide to conquer. It took Sammy 4 years but he was determined to walk and then soon after we were forever looking for the "wanderer"! It took 2 years to learn to tie his shoes...TWO YEARS and he never got frustrated!! He was so proud of this. He taught us that love CAN and WILL win! He always insisted that hugs ended every disagreement! He loved God and wanted to celebrate his love for our Lord by going to mass and serving on the altar. It was never a "chore" for Sammy....He wanted to go! This humbled me and gave me a new joy while celebrating mass. He loved his family so much and let us know every minute of every day. He was so happy when he spent time with his best friend and nephew Marcus. What an amazing friendship they had. I loved it when he put his arm around Marcus and called him "buddy". Loving everyone was so easy for Sammy because his heart was always open! I know you are still loving us Sammy. We miss you and love you so much. Happy Birthday! Thank you God for such a wonderful gift.

It doesn't get any easier...we just get better at it.

It's a long reach!

While at Mass this past Friday, one altar server was having a hard time lighting the taller candles on either side of the altar. Like so many other little things this too brought back a great memory. As I have said in other posts Sammy loved to serve mass. Every time he saw his friend Seth L. Sam would say with authority "SERVE MASS!" Sammy wanted so much to do everything Seth did on the altar. One of those things was to light the candles. On one Sunday while Seth was giving Sammy the official job of lighting the candles Sammy could not reach the tall candles. With out hesitation Seth grabbed Sammy around the waist and lifted him up to light them. It was amazing and heart warming. Everyone waiting for mass to start got to witness this incredible act of love and kindness for a little boy who just wanted to be like everyone else who served mass. I thank God that Seth L. was one of Sammy's good friends.
It doesn't get any easier. You just get better at it. God is good.

Favorites!

Did you know that Sammy's-


Favorite Food was-Cheeseburger happy meal with a sprite to drink
Favorite Toys were-markers, plastic animals, small disney characters
Favorite Friends- His nephew Marcus and his brothers Vinnie and Donnie
Favorite School subject-math
Favorite Thing to do on vacation-Walt Disney World
Favorite Sport-Golf
Favorite Activity-bowling with Vinnie
Favorite Song to sing-You are my sunshine
Favorite restaurant-LaMex


Other things Sammy love to do were:
Dress up like his favorite Disney characters (Buzz, Captain Hook, PeterPan, Mickey Mouse etc.)
Serve Mass
Watch movies on his LapTop
Sing, Sing, Sing!!! ( just like Donnie)
Draw (just like Vinnie)
Take photographs (just like Rhiannon)
Pretend to be a priest and have Mass in front of the Fireplace
Act out plays that Donnie performed
Go to the zoo
Go to Chicago
Keep score for the guys at basketball
Stick his belly out and pretend to be just like his Grandpa G
Ride in the golf cart with Mike L
Order a hot dog at the halfway house



It doesn't get any easier. You just get better at it. God is good.

Some days when I think I am doing ok and even feel some happiness, I am overwhelmed with sadness and feeling like we lost Sammy yesterday not 2 years ago. Today when I was running errands it happened. Memories of the parent/child golf outing came flooding back when I saw another Sam walking home from school. (Don't get me wrong....the memories are wonderful and happy. Missing Sammy and wanting him back is just so all consuming.) Sam T and his dad were paired with Jake D and his dad, Sammy and Vince along with me and Marcus, the last time Sammy played in the Parent/Child outing at the Elks. The day was full of happy moments of laughter! Boys being boys (in a good way!) and a day full of sunshine and golf. I remember the boys helping each other line up putts and cheering when Sammy had a good shot! It wasn't about who might win that day and bring home the trophy, it was about boys hanging out on the golf course and having a good time! Those boys gave Sammy a day of joy and friendship. Thank you and God bless you boys!

It doesn't get any easier. You just get better at it. God is good.